if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
too bad you live with your parents still
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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