I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
