It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
