Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love having hate sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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