cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
