Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
