okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
