I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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