I think I won the penis lottery.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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