he thought i was a dude.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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