I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
