I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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