I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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