i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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