You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
