I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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