There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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