Apparently you make a good broom.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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