I think I won the penis lottery.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
