we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
