Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
