There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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