i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
