Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
