You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
