Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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