i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
