I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
