Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
