Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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