That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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