i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want a musical about memes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
