At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
