dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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