arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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