These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
