she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
birth control should be required to get into college
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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