i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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