Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
