Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
