i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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