he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How naked do you want me to be?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
