What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
