I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
