dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
