Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
