some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
