TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm too high and old for this...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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