I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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