she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
