Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
