I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
