you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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