Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
