Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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