Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
