don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
