I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
