I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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