and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
FUCK WHALES
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
